Keeping an Open Heart in the Face of Disappointments

Part of being an artist is riding the natural ups and the down cycles. There will be high times (we are getting published, in shows, having sales, or accolades) and inevitable lower times (we didn’t accepted into a show or get the grant, or residency or what have you).

A while back, I watched a documentary called “How To Cook Your Life”, a film about Edward Espe Brown, a zen priest who was the head tenzo, or cook, at the Zen Buddhist retreat, Tassahara.

There were many pearls in this film, but one that struck me was when he spoke of life’s disappointments. I will paraphrase, but basically he said, that we hold in our hearts our dearest, most precious wishes for ourselves – for our happiness.

And then in life, we encounter inevitable heartbreaks and pain. When things don’t turn out the way we want we try to control or defend ourselves from the disappointment we feel.

So we begin to separate ourselves from our heart’s desires. And in doing so, we actually separate ourselves from our heart.

And while we may succeed in insulating ourselves from future disappointments, we create a much deeper chasm. We begin to feel an ache inside; a longing. And no matter how many material trophies we acquire it doesn’t go away. Because we have separated from our heart.

We all guard our hearts so zealously. We are so careful about whom we open them to. We are so afraid of breaking them.

This is an exercise in futility. In this life, the heart will break.

It will break open and grow bigger.

It will break like the sunrise. It will break like a wave. It will not be destroyed.

What destroys us is keeping our hearts locked up in armor of fear. This fear of being open and vulnerable doesn’t allow our hearts to grow.

The irony is this. We are not meant to protect out hearts. Our hearts are meant to protect us. When the heart is open and loving it is free of fear.

There is no stronger “protection” than a fearless heart.

Yearn (detail) © 2004 watercolor, acrylic, gouache on panel

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The Pernicious Inner Critic

The inner critic is something we are all familiar with. That little voice in our head that sows seeds of doubt that begin to question our creativity.

I’ve been working on a series of watercolors that I recently started to have doubts about. My inner critic started saying things like, “These colors are too basic” or “The colors aren’t sophisticated enough.” It wasn’t enough to make me stop working, but those seeds of doubt were there.

However, after seeing the Hilma af Klint’s show at the Guggenheim, I had an “a-ha” moment – we were using a very similar palette! I realized that the little voice had gained traction in my head and it was time to turn away from it and embrace the decisions I was making in my work.

It’s so easy for that inner critic to creep into the studio. Sometimes it’s helpful – it pushes us to ask questions, but it can also slowly take over and drown out our positive sense of self.

Do you struggle with an inner critic? It’s something we all experience from time to time. I invite you to share your experience in the comments below and how you have managed to turned it around.

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Artist to Artist: Podcasts and Resources for Inspiration

This guest post is written by my friend and fellow artist, Sarah Frazier. Sarah runs Make/Time, a business providing studio and administrative support for artists and I invited her to share some of the resources she uses to connect with other artists and gather inspiration.


I remember as an art student having an extremely vague understanding of how people actually made a living as an artist. Discussing money is often a taboo subject in American culture to begin with, and I found that as artists, we can be particularly squeamish when discussing how we financially support our practice.

However, I’m noticing that this is changing. More and more I’m finding people having discussions that look behind the curtain at how artists are building a sustainable life. And one thing that has become glaringly apparent to me is that there isn’t one “right” way to be an artist. Everyone has to find their own path that is meaningful and purposeful to them and aligned with their own values.

It can still be hard, though, when you are scrolling through Instagram or your Facebook feed to remember that there is real work and sometimes struggle happening behind the scenes. And this visual filtering through social media can often lead to feelings of resentment or jealousy because we can’t see the whole picture.

To help me stay grounded in my path, I love to listen to podcasts that feature conversations with artists and other creatives about their process and journey. Here are some of my favorites:

Beyond the Studio – Created by artists Nicole Mueller and Amanda Adams, this podcast talks with artists about the behind the scenes work of their practice, and how they support and sustain themselves as artists.

Sound & Vision – Hosted by Brian Alfred, this podcasts interviews artists and musicians about their creative process.

Hyperallergic – Podcast from the Hyperallergic blog around the discussion of contemporary art.

The Art of Process with Aimee Mann and Ted Leo – Musicians Aimee Mann and Ted Leo interview musicians and performers about their creative process and journey. Even though it isn’t visual art specific, there is a lot of overlap in terms of how people talk about managing their time and finding opportunities for their work.

Design Matters with Debbie Millman – Debbie Millman interviews designers, artists, musicians, and other cultural producers about their work, their successes, their failures, and everything in between.

In addition to listening to podcasts, I’m also extremely fond of the books edited by Sharon Louden. Sharon is an amazing artist who makes collaboration a central part of her practice. She has two books that I particularly love that are collections of essays from artists:

I’m curious to know what resources you find inspiring in your own studio practice.

Please share your thoughts and resources in the comments below so that we can all grow together!

P.S. I recently interviewed Michele for my own blog and you can read the full interview here. She shares her own journey as an artist and many of the lessons she has learned along the way. Enjoy!

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Some Thoughts on Success: Is That All There Is?

Today I’m bringing back a post from my archive that explores why we may feel dissatisfied when we reach goals or achieve success, and how to find validation in the present moment. Enjoy!

A dear artist friend of mine recently finished a major commission. (SO excited for her and proud of her!) However, she mentioned she’s feeling a little let down after all the hard work she put in to get it finished on a tight deadline. She’s left with that feeling: Is that it?

It reminded me of a story I heard about an artist who achieved the distinction and recognition of being included in the Whitney biennial in her early 20s- an achievement that many contemporary American artists covet and aspire to. And yet, as she was riding the bus after the opening and she described an empty feeling and a similar thought. So that was it?

(Depending on where you are right now with your career you may be saying to yourself, If only I had such problems!)

But this kind of post-event let down brings up a question all of us face: Why are we doing this stuff in the first place? Because I’m sure many of you, like me, have these benchmarks – things we want to achieve because we think we’ll feel better when we get them.

I’ll be really happy when…

I get in that gallery.

Someone buys my work.

I get in the Whitney Biennial.

We might get so caught up in reaching that goal, completing a body of work or preparing for an exhibition that we forgot to feel happy with where we are right here and now. We may neglect to appreciate the present moment and our current situation.

I know in my own life I have had different dreams for my art. For instance, when I was in my 20s I always wanted to travel abroad for my art and have shows in different countries. I dreamed of exhibiting my work in museums. Now that I’ve achieved these things I want even bigger things. I want to be in bigger museums and better known venues. I compare myself to others who have achieved things I have not and I forget to appreciate all that I have created and all that I have achieved. This isn’t good enough. What’s next?

There are always things to appreciate no matter where you are in your career. It’s great to always be looking forward and to have big dreams visions and goals to help us move forward.

But actually the true joy and excitement is in the day-to-day!

We live only in the present moment.

Honestly, nothing else exists. Everything else is just dreams (the future) or memories (the past).

We got in this racket to enjoy the creative ride!

Every dream or goal is to inspire some kind of fun action that we can savor while we are in the moment.

Moment by moment by moment.

Contrary to popular myth it’s not about some kind of arrival, some pinnacle, some accomplishment.

Think for a moment about all the unfulfilled dreams and wishes you have currently for your creative or professional life. Now ponder what exactly is it that you hope you will feel when you’ve achieved this dream? Will you feel more successful? Will you feel happier because you’ll feel validated as an artist? Will you feel better when your work is recognized? Or that other people will take you more seriously as an artist?

Is there a way you can validate yourself right now? How can you appreciate or recognize yourself as you are in your current state?

Now, pause to savor this very moment. Breathe deeply. Feel your body against the chair, hear the hum of your computer. Receive the sounds around you near and far. The drip of the faucet, a bird, the neighbor’s thumping bass? Notice the colors and textures in your vicinity. Close your eyes and allow a faint smile to lighten your lips. Can you keep breathing and relaxing until you can touch on the exquisiteness and the preciousness of this present moment?

I’d love it if you’d share in the comments below something small (or big!) that you treasure and cherish in your current life. Be it the fact that you are blessed to have a box full of art supplies to make your work, or the fact that you have a space to work in or the fact that you have these gifts or skills or you have a family member or a friend or a teacher who is supportive of your endeavors.

Isn’t it wonderful that I have this connection to my creativity?

How great it is that I have had ideas and new ones keep flowing through me!

Isn’t it sweet that I am reading this article because I’m committed to supporting myself mentally, emotionally spiritually as a creative person?

Whatever it is, I invite you to appreciate that now and do not let go of your dreams!

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What’s my opinion of your art?

I often have people write to me asking me to critique their work or give them pointers. I am always honored by these requests and that someone trusts me to give them feedback on their work.

However, this is not something I allow myself to do in this forum or on social media and here is why:

  • I often don’t have a context for someone’s work and what they are making without knowing them first.
  • I am not the best judge of what is worthwhile for you!

It is common to get to a point where you may feel like you need some technical training or new knowledge in order to grow. I encourage anyone that is at this place to find a local teacher or class where you can continue to learn, ask questions, and test materials. Having someone physically present to look at your work is important.

But when it comes to determining though if your work is “good” or whether you should keep going, this is something you must dig deep and answer for yourself. It is my strong belief that if you feel compelled to make something, then that is enough! It is not for anyone to judge how you spend your time and what is important. Making art and living the life of an artist is about sticking with it and being consistent. It’s about showing up for yourself.

As a teacher, what I want you to take away is the notion that YOU decide what matters. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant. At the end of the day what matters is that your art gives you joy.

Help me keep the conversation going about this. Share your thoughts with me in the comments section and what we can do to give each other a boost!

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Why you MUST meditate

I know it’s SO annoying someone telling you what to do!

And I don’t, usually, but as the New Year kicks off, a lot of people are looking to adopt new habits. I want to share with you THE SINGLE MOST ESSENTIAL HABIT I have ever developed and how incredibly helpful it can be to you not only as an artist but as a happy human being.

For those of you that know me or have followed my blog for awhile, you know that I meditate daily.  It helps keep me centered and brings me incredible peace during easier times and steadiness during challenging or painful times.

The nature of the superficial mind is often scattered, judgmental, fearful, worried and anxious. Without training these negative thinking patterns can become ingrained. We actually believe what our mind tells us without the ability to discern. Often, we turn those thoughts against ourselves. But when we train the mind, we can better connect with our deeper selves.

Peace is an innate part of our inner nature, but we must practice regularly to be able to put some distance between ourselves and our often negative thoughts. I recommend to starting small. Five minutes is plenty for a beginner start. Aim to increase gradually to a daily practice of 15 – 20 minutes. There are many resources on meditation on the web or apps you can get for your phone to help you get started. Please be patient. It does take time for most of us. It took me some years, but now I can easily drop into calm and centeredness even in very challenging situations.

Please let us know in the comments – Have you ever tried meditation? Was it hard for you? If you have an established practice, please let us know what it has done for you.

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