Part of being an artist is riding the natural ups and the down cycles. There will be high times (we are getting published, in shows, having sales, or accolades and inevitable lower times (we didn’t accepted into a show or get the grant, or residency or what have you).
A while back, I watched a documentary called “How To Cook Your Life”, a film about Edward Espe Brown, a zen priest who was the head tenzo, or cook, at the Zen Buddhist retreat, Tassahara.
There were many pearls in this film, but one that struck me was when he spoke of life’s disappointments. I will paraphrase, but basically he said, that we hold in our hearts our dearest, most precious wishes for ourselves – for our happiness.
And then in life, we encounter inevitable heartbreaks and pain. When things don’t turn out the way we want we try to control or defend ourselves from the disappointment we feel.
So we begin to separate ourselves from our heart’s desires. And in doing so, we actually separate ourselves from our heart.
And while we may succeed in insulating ourselves from future disappointments, we create a much deeper chasm. We begin to feel an ache inside; a longing. And no matter how many material trophies we acquire it doesn’t go away. Because we have separated from our heart.
We all guard our hearts so zealously. We are so careful about whom we open them to. We are so afraid of breaking them.
This is an exercise in futility. In this life, the heart will break.
It will break open and grow bigger.
It will break like the sunrise. It will break like a wave. It will not be destroyed.
What destroys us is keeping our hearts locked up in armor of fear. This fear of being open and vulnerable doesn’t allow our hearts to grow.
The irony is this. We are not meant to protect out hearts. Our hearts are meant to protect us. When the heart is open and loving it is free of fear.
There is no stronger “protection” than a fearless heart.
- Yearn (detail) © 2004 watercolor, acrylic, gouache on panel
Responses to “Keeping an Open Heart in the Face of Disappointments”
Marge Knyper
Yes, Michelle, I am working on the idea of heart paintings so this is a timely article for me. Thanks for all your support.
Michele Theberge
You are so welcome, Marge. Can’t wait to see your paintings!
Kim
Wow, those last few lines just did me in.
“We are not meant to protect out hearts. Our hearts are meant to protect us. When the heart is open and loving it is free of fear. There is no stronger “protection” than a fearless heart.”
Thank you.
Melissa Dinwiddie
So beautifully said, Michelle. Thank you for this!
Michele Theberge
Thanks, Melissa. I actually started this article a while ago and never published it and came across it and read it and decided to finish it. “I wrote this?” I thought.
Sounds like someone wiser than I. LOL.
Peggy Ingham
lovely…by the time you’re my age, 67, you’ve had a lot of disappointments and disillusion and then something comes along like Edward’s little essay and I’m reminded and all of that just adds character to my life. I’m greatful!
Michele Theberge
Beautifully said, Peggy. You are an inspiration to be able to see your life from a higher perspective.
jewel lentz
Indeed Michele, I broke off fears just this week, getting aligned with my ture heart. Love Jewel
Thank You for your support. Jewel
Michele Theberge
Nice, Jewel. Great to hear. I love that phrase “true heart.”
You are welcome!
Lori Koop
Michele, this idea of the heart and shutting it down, because of the hardships and hurt, has been surfacing a lot. The saddest part is, that part we shut down to ourselves, we shut down to the world as well. We can’t give out what we don’t have. When we’re open to ourselves (connected), we’re open to the world. I will look up that documentary. Sounds like a “must see”. Thanks for your sweet sharing. xo
Michele Theberge
I know, Lori. I think that is the challenge. Keeping our heart open even when we have been hurt. What helps me is knowing there is divine love there for me that goes beyond any human love. That’s a love I can always count on unwaveringly.
Elaine Callahan
Wow, Michelle, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. 🙂
Elaine
Michele Theberge
Hi Elaine – somehow just got your comment now. It made my day. This is my greatest joy to help others and sound a reminder of what we already know in our hearts.
Robert Pierce
Thank you Michele… you always seem to send a wake up call just when I need one. Were you my Mom in another life??
tammy vitale
Beautiful piece, Michele! Love: In this life, the heart will break.
It will break open and grow bigger.
Oddly enough I woke thinking about breaking open this morning – how the chrysilis breaks open to deliver – not yet a butterfly but a a butterfly to be once the wings are strong. How women break open to bear babies – not yet able to take care of themselves. How once we break open we are first weak and dazzled by the newness of it all.
Thanks for a great piece that reminded me of that waking thought! and put it all into perfect perspective!
Michele Theberge
Tammy – love that you took this concept to a new place and appreciate the synchronicity of you have the dream the day I sent this article out.
Indigene
Michele, what a great piece, I find this especially timely since the loss of my sister two weeks ago. My heart is so broken, but I manage to see flashings of amazing moments during my day and this really speaks to me. Thank you for getting at the heart of matters!
Michele Theberge
Oh Indigene! I can’t imagine the sadness losing your beloved sister must bring. Sending you loving thoughts and hugs. So glad this post was a comfort to you in some humble way.
Juhli
Thank you Michele,very timely! in fact this very week I am facing disappointment. I totally understand the need to keep our hearts open as we appreciate the experience, open to it and let it go. Forgiving ourselves as well as others is the key to keeping an open heart and thus a creative mind.
Michele Theberge
Thanks, Juhli. I am glad you brought up the topic of forgiveness. It is so key in this process, isn’t it?
Betsey
Just catching up with old emails and found this! So beautifully written, Michelle. I completely agree that when the heart breaks it cracks open, gets larger, can hold more and more beauty and love. I love the line “there is no stronger protection than a fearless heart.”
I had the same feeling this week reading some old journals for a blog post — did I write this? It’s good to be reminded of our own wisdom.
I would love to share this on my facebook page, but not sure how.
Crystal Noelle
I love that line, “We separate ourselves from our hearts”. I’ve felt this many times and have been trying to regain my “separated heart”. It’s not easy, but it’s slowly happening. Thanks Michelle!
admin
Crystal – Thanks for your nice comment. Glad the article spoke to you!